I’ve been skeptical about cryptocurrencies throughout the year as the digital money has soared to new highs. You can read about my past views here, here, and here.
But all that’s changed, folks. I’m now a hardcore believer in the space.
And I want to show you a new opportunity that I literally just made up that will make me a fortune. And maybe you. We’ll see. But I think you’ll agree, this is one investment to go all-in on.
You might even consider going more than all-in on this investment. Others already are. CNBC reported this week that some folks are even mortgaging their homes—the literal roof over their heads—to invest in the magic internet money that is cryptocurrency. It’s only a matter of weeks, if not days, before people are selling their kids and spare limbs to get in on this opportunity.
Sure, that didn’t work out for people who got overly leveraged trying to flip homes a decade ago, or for folks who were trading tech stocks in the 1990’s. But cryptos didn’t even exist then, so obviously this time is different. Normally, that phrase doesn’t work with an investment. But this is better than an investment; it’s digital currency.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I don’t want to throw too much math out there, but with the gold standard of the sector, Bitcoin, up 1,700 percent since the start of the year, many investors want in now. Who wouldn’t? Why try and make a measly 12-15 percent per year that stocks have been returning the past few years? They’re just boring businesses, with things like assets and cash flow. That requires thought and analysis, the two dangers of curbing any speculation.
What’s more, owning a percentage of a productive company doesn’t have the excitement of something that could be money, if people would only stop buying it in the hope that it does become money someday.
That’s why I’m throwing in the towel: I’m starting my own cryptocurrency.
Even better, though, I’m allowing you to get in on the ground floor. No, not zero. My ground floor is $10,000. After all, if you’re trying to reach the sky, it’s better to start at the top of a skyscraper than in the lobby. I know that metaphor doesn’t make perfect sense, but then again, neither does anything going on in the cryptocurrency market right now.
But I don’t like the idea of a coin. It’s poor marketing, really. After all, coins are those heavy things in your pockets that don’t buy much. A cryptocurrency should have a name that reflects the fact that it’ll grow over time, and that it’ll be the star attraction of your investment portfolio.
That’s why the crypto I’m starting is called: Digital Tulips.
Why? It’s simple. Everyone loves flowers!
More importantly, flowers grow, much like the price of my Digital Tulips will grow once everyone and their mother starts buying in. Yessiree, nobody has ever had anything bad to say about tulips, especially when combined with the fast-moving world of finance.
My Digital Tulips also solve another problem with the crypto space: Cryptos are confusing! The whole blockchain thing? Solving math equations using increasingly powerful computers? That’s not how a currency, digital or otherwise, is supposed to work!
And at the rate bitcoin calculations are unfolding, they’ll use up all the world’s electricity use by 2020, according to a story in Newsweek. With my Digital Tulip, however, there’s no electricity required, making it the ultimate place to store your money. Other magic currencies are useless in an apocalypse scenario where the power goes out!
Finally, there’s the issue of privacy. Here’s how I’ve worked around it: When you invest in Digital Tulips, I won’t tell you how much you’ve bought or at what price. That way, you’ll have complete and total privacy because you’ll know nothing! I’ll probably forget too, once the check clears. But that’s fantastic.
Why? That means double privacy. You can’t get that with traditional cryptocurrencies. Best of all in terms of security, there’s nothing for hackers to steal. We’re going beyond digital. You can’t beat that.
Finally, there’s the fact that it’s an intangible form of money. You won’t leave it under a couch cushion, or create a big lump in your mattress with this new currency I just made up. You won’t have to make change with it or anything, because there’s nothing to change. It’s so perfect as a form of money you’ll never want to use it as money.
Sure, you’ll probably want to make a profit off of it, at some point. Not a problem! I’ve got you covered there too.
To exit your position in Digital Tulips, simply find some friend or family member you’re not too fond of (more of a frenemy, really), and send them my way. We can transfer your ownership stake to them, and they can pay you in whatever form is convenient for you—cash, check, gold, bales of tobacco, the sky’s the limit when it comes to what can be a currency.
I’ll need a small transaction fee for the service, of course. You probably won’t want to sell, though, as long as the price keeps going up. You may even want to buy more! That definitely won’t be a problem. I can just make up more as I need to, just like the Fed!
Clearly, you can’t lose. You’ll be buying into something that can only go up—and fast! And as soon as institutional investors get a whiff of the potential gains, they’ll want to bring the big money to the table. A fool and their money can come over to my place for moderately-priced drinks anytime. A fool with someone else’s money, though, has far less incentive to care how much they’re paying.
This is truly the deal of a lifetime. And that’s why I’m excited to give you, my loyal readers, a chance to buy in at a mere $10,000 per Digital Tulip Bulb (see, it sounds way better than a coin).
To get started in this fantastic opportunity, simply send me a check. Just make sure to make it out to “cash,” as I’m not accepting second mortgages or kids …yet.
I’ll use the proceeds of that “20th century Bitcoin” to come up with the next big thing to invest in. Maybe beanie babies are due for a comeback? Or some kind of digital pet rock? Digital pogs? Those are my top ideas now, but with the money I make from Digital Tulips, I can come up with more. Or simply retire to a country without an extradition treaty.
One last thing: if you don’t know I’ve been kidding this whole time, definitely avoid investing in cryptocurrencies until you’ve at least learned a bit more about them. There’s so much absurdity in the space right now, a lot of folks are already putting money into “Digital Tulips” without recognizing it. There is a potential transformational technology here, but there’s also too much speculation in the space. There will be a better time, and a far better price point, to get in.
(Full disclosure: I own some Ethereum and Litecoin, but have taken more off the table than I’ve put in.)
Andrew Packer is a Senior Financial Editor with Newsmax Media. He currently writes the Insider Hotline investment advisory, serves as investment director for the Financial Braintrust, and writes the monthly newsletter Crisis Point Investor.
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